it's funny how things can affect the way you function.
ive been drained out totally these few days.
i felt myself being so weak.
i cried after not crying for so long.

sleepless nights,
a tormented mind
and an aching heart.

it's been so long since ive felt this way,
somehow it feels good,
to feel the pain again..
it makes me feel alive.

it's been so long,
ive been immuned to so many things,
but i did crumble and fall a little here.

but it only makes things stronger,
i swear it will.

things i do when im feeling this way(nowadays)
cry in the shower,
cry in the rain,
go for long walks,
run...
start building castles in the air...
sing alot like a fool even in public all alone..
sit beside mr merlion..
listen to A7X!

last time i used to,
scream into my pillow,
throw everything in my room upsidedown insideout(which was stupid cause i had to end up cleaning my room)
almost cut myself... (stupid sia)
hit myself, like really hit..
bang my head on the wall till i cant think.
but the most ironic thing is i did this all silently which was cool larh.
throw my hp against the wall like it was some ball.
punched the bed cause i dont have a punching bag.
go to the highest floor and shout then run down.
mumble all the vulgarities i knew i one single line.


that fire still burns in me but somehow ive learnt to control it,
im afraid if one day i might just explode;
that would be horrible,
but i know ive got it under control.

behold the dark blanket covering those lovely lights,
in it's stillness i hear your whispers,
in it's darkness i feel your presence.

so near,yet so far..
seperated by the distance;
a barrier it draws..

but im right there baby,
baby if you look and listen a little harder,
im right there baby..

(8:22 PM)